Monday, June 16, 2014

4 Years Later

Let me paint you a picture

It's June 16, 2010. A balmy summer night, and a self proclaimed theatre nerd is sitting in her bedroom watching the seconds tick by on a video upload to this weird website called YouTube, which turns out (to her surprise) houses videos other than Smosh and thevlogbrothers. She's co-president of the Harry Potter club at school. She's head over heels in love with her boyfriend. She wears sweatpants 3 days a week and owns one makeup palette (and to be honest, it was a gift). With her unruly curly hair, party girl reputation, and sailor slang she's the last person pre-teens should be taking advice from. And despite the portrait painted of what a perfect "guru" should be, she takes the chance on a summer hobby and posts her first video, in the only manner she knows how. Raw. Unfiltered. Candid, and 100% real. Would it be cliche if I said that after that the rest was history? Because it was. 

Fast forward 4 years later. I'm sitting in that same bedroom, drinking that same tea my mom has made me since middle school, in that same mug I stole from my dad when I was 15, texting the same best friends I've had since the day I turned 11. So much of my life has stayed the same, yet so much has changed in these last four years I hardly recognize the life I live. 

To say I never expected any of this would be a serious understatement. 'Meghan Rosette' was bred out of summer bed-rest & boredom, and today, that false identity scrolls through the credits on Nickelodeon. My brain cannot comprehend how any of this came to be. When people ask me what I attribute all of this success to, I stare back at them blank faced. I don't have an answer. I haven't got a clue in the world to why nearly 900,000 people care about me. (The only explanation I have is that every single one of you had a momentary lapse of judgement at the very same moment.) Regardless of how this happened, it did, and I can't thank you all enough. To say you changed my life would be doing you injustice. You changed my past, my present, my future, and me. I am who I am today because of this journey. 

Up until I was 19 YouTube was purely just a hobby to fill my Sunday afternoons and lazy school breaks. But come September of 2012 all of that changed. My sophomore of year college I was bullied by my roommates, whom I considered to be some of my best friends. I became this creature engulfed in depression and I hardly recognized myself. And as I endured panic attack after panic attack, the only thing that kept me holding on was all of you. When it all got to be too much and I left college to get better, you were the first people I told. And the road to recovery led me here. Opening up about my struggles was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Admitting you have a problem to your friends and family is tough enough, but going on the internet and telling little girls who look up to you that you're battling the darkest of demons was earth shattering. To this day it was the hardest video I've ever had to make. And I'd make it ten thousand times over. At that moment, with that video, YouTube ceased to be a website with faceless usernames and it became my family. You all became my family. The support I received was unfathomable, thousands of messages came in telling me that I wasn't alone in my battle, that we were all struggling through this tough time together. You held my hand the whole way. And every day I'm holding your hand through whatever you're facing. We're in this together. 

You saved my life.

It's been 4 years since I posted my first YouTube video and today I am living my wildest dreams.

Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.




43 comments :

  1. You are such an inspiration Meghan, I've been subscribed to you for a while and I loved you since the beginning! You're personality is awesome, amazing, quirky, and fun. I've loved seeing your channel grow and expand and you getting crazy opportunities! You're one of my inspirations for blogging, and I couldn't thank you more. Thank you for continuing to make spectacular videos! (:

    emmastyleguide.blogspot.com

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  2. Meghan, you may not even notice this comment, but I just wanted to say that you have impacted my life so much. Through your Dr. Meghan videos, I gained a lot of confidence and now, I can dance in public with my friends and just have a great time, without worrying about other people's judgement of me. Whenever I am feeling down, I watch your videos and your awesome, unique, funny, and quirky personality puts a smile on my face. Every advice that you offer means so much to me, and I am so grateful that I randomly clicked on one of your videos almost a year ago. You are more than just a beauty guru or a YouTuber; you are my role model. Thank you so much for just being the amazing and beautiful person you are!

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  3. Sending all those thank yous right back at you Meghan ! Without having someone like you to inspire us a lot of us would have stayed lost in those deep holes of depression. It's crazy to have so much in common with someone you've never met. I'd really just like to thank you for helping me to accept myself , realise my dreams as well as chase them. I can't wait to see what joys and success the next 4 years will bring you :)♡
    xoxo

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  4. Meghan, I went throughout a pretty dark time last year and your videos were something that brightened my day a little. You're such a fab writer you should really post more on here too:)
    xo~ Emma (Missemmalouise12.blogspot.com)

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  5. I have completely fallen in love with you and your videos while you were doing vlogmas last year. I have been watching your videos before but at that time I got so into them, I was waiting for your new videos so much. Now I have watched the majority of your videos and I still get really excited to see a new video from you.
    I can relate to you in so many ways and you can really inspire. I can only wish you best of luck with everything you do!
    Miglė x | Meet Me On The Balcony

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  6. Thank you for sharing your life with us!
    You are incredibly well spoken and I cant wait to see you in your acting endeavours !

    Cheers, Jennifer
    cheersjennifer.blogspot.ca

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  7. Meghan, I love your videos and your blog. You never fail to make me smile and laugh until it hurts. You are so loved! You deserve all of the amazing opportunities that are waiting for you!!

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  8. Your videos are amazing and so are you! They make my day when l feel down. I watch your old videos sometimes because they make me laugh and l can really see an amazing person who l would love to meet and hung out all day but l don't have that chance because l live in Europe. But l really really hope that one day l will meet you. :)
    Don't let anyone take you down, make you sad, angry, mad,.... because they are you some haters and jealous people who don't want to see you happy. (That's happening to me a lot to but l just ignore them)
    You know who you are and don't let anyone change you!
    I love you so so so so much. You make my day
    xoxoxo

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  9. Meghan,

    This makes me sosososo happy to read! I'm so proud of all your accomplishments. You have grown so much as a person and we love you so much <3

    -xx Tay
    http://when-im-older.com
    http://www.bloglovin.com/en/blog/3729106

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  10. You are definitely someone for all of us to look up to, congratulations on all the success

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  11. Meghan, I love you!!!! I've been a subscriber since those early days in your bedroom when you were still dating your boyfriend. You've been one of my best friends through the virtual world and I'm so excited about how successful you are :).

    Xoxo, Daisy

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  12. Sending you lots of love, hugs and tea back :) <3 Your videos brighten up my day and I am so happy I stumbled across your channel. I can't wait to see the web series you filmed with Oli and everyone else!!! :D
    englishbrkfstt.wordpress.com

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  13. Meghan this made me so happy, I am 100% a supporter and I think you're incredible. You inspire me everyday to follow my dream and trust in myself. I love you dearly. xoxo Emma (bearswillroam.tumblr.com)

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  14. Meghan, I really want to know youre reading this: You are the kinda girl I would be jealous about at school, the girl I always wanted to be friends with, the girl I looked at the hallway and say at myself 'I wish I was that special, cool, fearless, white girl' -as cliche as it sounds-. But then you posted that video, maybe I saw 2 years later: at the time I was surviving ''panic attack after panic attack" + deep depression. I like to think we are friends, we ate that cookies together, we got skinnier trough that depression, we imagined being with a perfect guy at a perfect beach in a perfect white tee, and that we love poetry and have treacherous curly hair and Treacherous TS songs...

    And YOU saying that I saved your life... makes ME happy. I pray for your heart, so it wont suffer thinking of anxiety and suicide. I pray for you so your mind doesnt obsesses with not your dreams, and I pray your body feels loved by you- because thats what I pray for myself and every girl (you, you and you) that feels depressed and anxious. Because we deserve to be that flawless girl we always saw at the hallway-.

    And you, Meghan, are the first youtube girl I would be jealous of that I feel Im friends with. Even if you dont read this comment. I read yours (:

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  15. You inspired me to try something new and start my own blog!

    www.craftwithcheese.com

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  16. this post actually made me tear up! so proud of how far you've come and love watching your videos! like ive tweeted before, you're like a big sister to all of the girls that originally started watching you for tips,but now feel like a close friend :) love you !

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  17. This is such a nice article, I almost strated crying. I really like your videos and I admire you for what you do in your life. I now that we never meet but I feel that you are very nice person and I think that we will be very good friend.
    Keep doing what makes you happy. :)

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  18. Oh it wasn't a momentary lapse of judgement. You're definitely one of my all time favourite YouTubers. Confession? I was having a really hard time in my life when I came across your The Perks of Being Me video. It literally made me cry and let it all out. So I converted it to mp3 and transferred it to my phone. That was a year ago.
    I have watched every single video of yours ever since.
    So, I'd like to thank YOU.
    :)

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  19. Such a great post! Been watching you for about 3 years and it's crazy how much you've grown but still stayed the same down the earth, flower wearing, hilarious girl!

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  20. Meghan your videos as well as you are simply amazing ! thank you for inspiring me to start my own fashion blog.
    www.bofwof.blogspot.ae
    lots of love xxxx

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  21. Your blog is so cool :))

    www.beautyfunandfashion.wordpress.com

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  22. Im so glad that you made a blog. I always love reading your blogs and your opinions. PLus you always have the coolest photos.

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  23. LOVE your personality and awesome rays of sunshine you radiate, your super original! keep up the good work Meghan you rock

    http://jennoshealth.blogspot.ie/

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  24. 4 years?! You have grown into an amazing person! Keep doing what you're doing :)

    xoxo
    Arielle Louisee

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  25. Ahh i love your blog!! Congrats on 1 mil!!! :)

    washed-water.blogspot.com

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  26. Maghan, whatever you're facing (however hard it may be), you're not alone. And storms don't go on forever, soon enough you see the rainbow. You're really strong. I understand how hard it is to blog and make a video about it, I'm so proud you did, cos I'm still struggling to let someone know my sadness. My friends they think I'm strong, people tell me I'm strong but in fact I'm not that strong, I have problem, I'm depressed, I struggle too. One can only be strong for so long, we'll be here for you. Take care, and love you! Xoxo, V (venusalonn.blogspot.sg)

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  27. Hi Meghan! I just wanted to stop by to say Thank you! You are such a sweet, funny, and inspiring spirit and I'm so thankful I stumbled upon your youtube channel. I love that you are brave enough to share you story about your struggle with depression. You are beautiful inside and out! I hope you're having a wonderful day! You inspired me to start a blog- I also struggle with depression. But I also talk about beauty:) If you could feature me in any way or just check it out I would be honored! Thanks for all you do, girl!:)

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  28. oops! Here's my blog name :) http://whenlifegivesulymes.blogspot.com/

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  29. Love your blog and youtube channel Meghan :)

    I would appreciate anyone who would take the time to check out my blog dedicated to my photography and lifestyle <3

    ------------------------- pinksmartie2406.blogspot.com ----------------------------

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  30. Waah. This is such an endearing post dear. Love it. ♥

    By the way do you want to follow each other?

    Kindly leave a comment on my blog and I'll instantly follow you back.

    Thanks much dear! :) -
    Korean Online Shopping

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  31. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  32. You're amazing! Found your blog recently and I’d like to say that I’m in love with it!
    Interesting posts!

    Diana Cloudlet
    http://www.dianacloudlet.com/

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  33. How did you get the theme for your blog

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  34. I've been bullied by apartment roomies too :( thanks for sharing your story! I looked up Justine's and Delaynie's FB profiles and you're way prettier anyway LOL

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  35. You are amazing! Thanks for making me smile with every video of yours.

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  36. You're such a cool and sweet personality Meghan. I love to watch your videos <3
    xoxo Carina

    www.iammetalheart.com

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  37. I like your videos, although I only discovered your yt channel recently when looking for some advice on how to help my bf get through major depression he is fighting for a couple of years now.

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  38. you are such an inspiration, and i love watching your videos!
    alyssabozzo.weebly.com

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  39. Hey, you're great, I love your feet!

    You have really pretty feet and toes, I have a pure girl-crush on your toes!

    I think I have a foot fetish!

    Anin Nirmala

    http://ask.fm/Anin95

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