4 Years Later

Let me paint you a picture

It's June 16, 2010. A balmy summer night, and a self proclaimed theatre nerd is sitting in her bedroom watching the seconds tick by on a video upload to this weird website called YouTube, which turns out (to her surprise) houses videos other than Smosh and thevlogbrothers. She's co-president of the Harry Potter club at school. She's head over heels in love with her boyfriend. She wears sweatpants 3 days a week and owns one makeup palette (and to be honest, it was a gift). With her unruly curly hair, party girl reputation, and sailor slang she's the last person pre-teens should be taking advice from. And despite the portrait painted of what a perfect "guru" should be, she takes the chance on a summer hobby and posts her first video, in the only manner she knows how. Raw. Unfiltered. Candid, and 100% real. Would it be cliche if I said that after that the rest was history? Because it was. 

Fast forward 4 years later. I'm sitting in that same bedroom, drinking that same tea my mom has made me since middle school, in that same mug I stole from my dad when I was 15, texting the same best friends I've had since the day I turned 11. So much of my life has stayed the same, yet so much has changed in these last four years I hardly recognize the life I live. 

To say I never expected any of this would be a serious understatement. 'Meghan Rosette' was bred out of summer bed-rest & boredom, and today, that false identity scrolls through the credits on Nickelodeon. My brain cannot comprehend how any of this came to be. When people ask me what I attribute all of this success to, I stare back at them blank faced. I don't have an answer. I haven't got a clue in the world to why nearly 900,000 people care about me. (The only explanation I have is that every single one of you had a momentary lapse of judgement at the very same moment.) Regardless of how this happened, it did, and I can't thank you all enough. To say you changed my life would be doing you injustice. You changed my past, my present, my future, and me. I am who I am today because of this journey. 

Up until I was 19 YouTube was purely just a hobby to fill my Sunday afternoons and lazy school breaks. But come September of 2012 all of that changed. My sophomore of year college I was bullied by my roommates, whom I considered to be some of my best friends. I became this creature engulfed in depression and I hardly recognized myself. And as I endured panic attack after panic attack, the only thing that kept me holding on was all of you. When it all got to be too much and I left college to get better, you were the first people I told. And the road to recovery led me here. Opening up about my struggles was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Admitting you have a problem to your friends and family is tough enough, but going on the internet and telling little girls who look up to you that you're battling the darkest of demons was earth shattering. To this day it was the hardest video I've ever had to make. And I'd make it ten thousand times over. At that moment, with that video, YouTube ceased to be a website with faceless usernames and it became my family. You all became my family. The support I received was unfathomable, thousands of messages came in telling me that I wasn't alone in my battle, that we were all struggling through this tough time together. You held my hand the whole way. And every day I'm holding your hand through whatever you're facing. We're in this together. 

You saved my life.

It's been 4 years since I posted my first YouTube video and today I am living my wildest dreams.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.